Siblings

Those of you with strained or little to no relationship with your sibling whether they are the older or younger ones might be able to relate to this. I wont say there names in this so their identities are confidential. So as some of you may know I am the youngest of three siblings but is gets complicated there some times because in reality I don’t have any full blood siblings and both of them aren’t related to each other because I have the same dad as one and same mom as the other so it ended up getting more diluted. I’m not gonna get into that anymore anyway that never has and never will matter to me they are my sisters no matter what… so I am the youngest some of you may kind of have an idea where I am going with this so my eldest sister lets say sister A has done nothing but hurt me because a lot of issues have gone on with her mom since we have a different mom and our dad she took it out on my and my other older sister lets say sister B so much has gone down with just sister A one of the many things was she told me when I was younger and used to look up to her I will never be her sister no matter what. The other siblings she had from her mom which were her other half siblings were her real brother and sister I would never be I was to hyper, excited, over the top she didn’t want me as a sister. Then so the other day after years of not seeing her sister B had to contact her for our grandparents and she did long story short she apologized to my sister. I thought maybe she changed and I should message her and she would be happy to talk to me, because no matter what she did to me she was still my sister and I loved her. Unfortunately after messaging back and forth for a while I felt the need to tell her one of the many things she did that hurt me for me to get closure. She came up with excuses about why she said it none of it being anything I did and how it wasn’t my fault in the end basically blaming me for what I did breaking my heart. The last bit of hope I had for us to have a good or even start a real relationship again unfortunately that was gone. What I realized a while after was that was Gods way of saying it wouldn’t be healthy to have relationship with her. Even though she is my sister because it would just give her the opportunity to hurt me over and over again. I may not have gotten healing completely or even closure, but I got something better a knowledge. Knowing that no matter how much she hurt me and I still wanted a relationship that God knows what was better for me. But he needed to reopen that wound and allow her to hurt me for me to see she is an unhealthy family member to be around. For my mental emotional and spiritual well being and it was his way of showing me that everything happenfor my health. That he does look out for my well being even when I don’t. He is my protector. I forget that and feel like he isn’t there in the moment. Looking back on that moment he was it just wasn’t as obvious as I thought it would be. There is one story only one from sister A now sister B is a completely different story that’s why it hurt and was surprising when it happened no matter how gradual it was.

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Sister B I grew up with in the same house she was my sister it didn’t matter she wasn’t full blood yes we fought but what sisters scratch that what siblings don’t argue or fight its just how it is. Now when she was in high school I was in like 5 or 6th grade and the unthinkable happened my mom was hospitalized we feared for her life after that my sister B and I became really close we told each other a lot she was like a mom to me and we had a unique connection most siblings don’t a strong bond but then it all changed when she went to college she stopped texting and calling me after a while we rarely talked but me being me held on and always called texted face timed her when I could but it got to the point every time we talked mid conversation she would have to go I understood at first but then it just stung she wouldn’t even make time for me or talk to me but could go do other things how could she? She promised me she would always be there for me and make time even though she was in another state but she broke it why? So naturally I did what any younger sister or 15 year old would do what did I do wrong why didn’t she want to talk to me how could I fix it? I placed all the blame on myself tore myself up about it. Naturally we drifted apart as she changed turned into a college girl the stereotype you hear. I kept blaming myself it wasn’t till a year or two after this started when I noticed she was doing it to everyone starting lying to us even me more. At this point I realized it wasn’t my fault and God had been trying to show me this and teach me multiple lessons some of which were guard your heart even if they are family and you don’t think you need to, change happens, it WASN’T my fault, it was another unhealthy relationship that would have taken me further from my LORD, to depend on God more and trust only the right people, he has a plan it may hurt now but in the long run it is better for you among many other lessons. I am still trying to remember and better understand and follow these lessons he taught me but it is a process and I am trying my best working on getting closer to God and putting these lessons to practice. Also when it is time if it is in the future maybe I can restart and improve my relationship with her but for now that is not meant to be.

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